Thanks, internet!

UPDATE 5/18: Time Warner contacted me yesterday and got things moving along, but unfortunately still tell me I’ll have to pay for a cable box I don’t need in order to receive bundle pricing, despite this caveat not being advertised in its terms. Maria from the New York office was helpful enough to get my services up and running last night, so at the very least the technical issues regarding CableCards are over.

I was, however, informed that they are not budging on the “must have a cable box (and the accompanied $9 monthly fee) for bundled pricing” issue. In order to receive the $99 triple play package, they are sending a technician over tomorrow to drop off a box to collect dust in my closet while I pay $9 more per month for this box.

They made no effort to make some sort of financial gesture, of course. Crediting my account the $9 per month was not an option. The best I could do is the few “I’m sorry”s for all the frustrating hours I’ve spent trying to get service up and properly billed. (That’s not entirely fair, they did refund a $25 installation fee). Maria even became indignant at one point, saying “You’re really going to sit around and wait for a box just to save some money? It’s not that big of a deal. Is this really worth it?”

A non-bundled (read: if I don’t take a cable box and the $9 fee) Triple Play with the Turbo level of Road Runner internet (offered with Triple Play) comes out to $168.80 monthly, $60.80 per month and $729.60 per year, and that’s counting the extra $9 for the cable box I won’t be using! That’s nice for Maria to think $729 is chump change.

Sad! Thank you to those responding on Twitter, TivoCommunity.com and elsewhere!

Original Post:

I’ve had a hell of a time installing Timer Warner Cable in my new apartment. Apparently it all comes down to the fact that I want to use my Tivo HD box instead of their proprietary cable box. In order to receive their promotional “Triple Play” package, I need to take their cable box and the $9 monthly fee that comes with it and just let it collect dust in my closet.

This of course came after about (no exaggeration) 7-8 hours of dealing with technicians and customer service who had absolutely no idea how to identify and address the problem. I’ve contacted TWC’s Executive Customer service and I’ll let you know if I ever hear a response. Hit the jump for the whole story and the letter I sent today.

This was sent to the following executives, who you can feel free to contact if you’ve gotten nowhere with TWC’s customer service:

Scott Miller (scott.miller@twcable.com)
Randall Wells: (randall.wells@twcable.com)
Derrick Moore (derrick.moore@twcable.com)

Pass this on if you or someone you know is considering using Time Warner Cable for their Tivo or if you’ve had a bad install experience with TWC. Share your stories in the comments!

To Whom It May Concern,

I am writing to you in regards to the absolutely miserable (and still unresolved) experience I’ve had opening and installing a Triple Play account with Time Warner Cable, particularly with installing CableCards.

This communication will take the form of an open letter on my blog (http://pooptalk.wordpress.com), which will be linked on my Twitter account (twitter.com/holyshityouguys) and be sent to the Better Business Bureau, Consumerist.com and numerous Tivo community sites.

Let me start by saying I don’t blame the technicians and customer service reps of Time Warner cable. I realize my service requests are not the majority of your customer base. CableCard users are a small market, and attempting to activate service in a setup other than the routine “plug and play” cable, internet and phone package comes with its risks. But I’d like to warn any other Tivo and CableCard fans out there before attempting to activate service with Time Warner Cable New York, and I’m disappointed that Time Warner Cable does not train its employees thoroughly in all of the services it offers.

Please take a moment to read my story. I can be reached at my cell at ********** after you have given my situation some consideration. My account is listed under that phone number.

I am a new customer, opening my first Time Warner Cable account in New York. I want to subscribe to the heavily advertised $99 “Triple Play” package (seen here: http://www.timewarnercable.com/nynj/learn/bundles/new.html). I do NOT need or want a Time Warner Cable cable box. I have two Tivo HD boxes to be used on two televisions, with each requiring one CableCard to receive TWC services. In my previous residence (where the account was not held in my name) I had one of these Tivo boxes using a CableCard with Time Warner Cable (New Jersey) service. That installation, by the way, was also not a walk in the park.

About two weeks ago I called the New York sales center and made the request to open an account: Triple Play, no cable boxes, two cable cards. On the muggy evening of Friday, May 14, began the most difficult and confusing installation processes I have ever dealt with.

The TWC technician arrived on schedule at my apartment, at about 5:30 PM. His name is Andrew and he was extremely polite, professional and clearly passionate about his job. It was a breath of fresh air. He was fantastic. However, he was not able to leave me with working service.

Per the instructions from two different dispatchers, he was told to inform me that my Tivo/CableCards could not be activated due to a clerical issue that must be resolved with Customer Service. He claimed that the “Host ID”s for my Tivo Boxes were registered for use with another account and that the Customer Service department had to do a “no truck move/transfer” in order to authorize the Tivo’s for my new account. Once that was done, he said, the boxes should work without further assistance from a technician. He left at approximately 9:15 PM after nearly 4 hours of hard work (and me with nothing to do but watch – I am not moved in yet, so you can imagine how frustrated I was sitting in an empty apartment with no air conditioning while he finished his job).

Then began my impossible task of navigating your customer service. Despite a long evening, I kept my cool and was nothing but courteous and professional to our reps, which I reminded I was aware none of my issues were their fault.

After about a dozen calls and three supervisors, my evening ended at 10:30 PM. In that time, no one at customer service understood what the tech had informed me to repeat verbatim. At one point, to my shock, a rep bluntly said (and I am not exaggerating, this is verbatim) – “I do not understand your problem. I do not know how to fix your problem. None of my supervisors know what the issue is. I do not know what to tell you. I suppose you can try to call back tomorrow and see if you have better luck.” A rep ACTUALLY SAID THAT! I wish I had saved her name.

Every time I was disconnected or tried calling again to see if I could find someone who understood the issue, I was told my account had NO NOTES on it and that my service had not been accepted/approved/turned on. I was told numerous conflicting stories.

I was told that my account had no record of requesting CableCards, and showed that the tech was instructed to install a Time Warner DVR box. I was told that the tech had not closed my service request and that my service would not be up until he had done so later in the evening and that I should just wait a few hours. I was told that for some mysterious reason, someone had marked to close the account entirely. Every time the rep would say “I just need to activate your account and it will be good to go,” and sure enough, it wasn’t.

Eventually, just before 10:30 PM, I reached Sadina, who said she knew the problem and would have this fixed with someone familiar with these types of issues and follow up with me the next day (Saturday 5/15). She was, at least, responsive and bright. She followed up with me at 7:30 PM Saturday night to let me know that the issue was resolved and service would be up when I returned home.

Last night, Sunday 5/16, I returned home and (to be honest, not to my surprise) service was not up. I tried customer service again, and after another two hours (from 6:00 PM to 8:15 PM) of the same conversations (no notes on my account, marked for closing, etc), I reached Shelby. Shelby was very nice, very receptive and very responsive. She had a theory which, as of my writing, is the latest to be tested/fixed: a department at TWC which checks/validates Bundle and Promotional pricing is stopping my service because I had not ordered a cable box, which she claims is required (along with its $9 monthly rental fee) to receive bundled pricing. This was confirmed by her supervisor, Tony, who was also very pleasant and was nice enough to at least refund my installation fees.

A tech is now scheduled to revisit my apartment on Wednesday 5/18, who will re-do my CableCard installations and drop off a Time Warner cable box, which I am expected to keep to collect dust while I pay the $9 monthly rental fee in order to receive service at advertised rates. Despite my request and speaking to two Supervisors, I was told Wednesday afternoon would be the earliest a tech would be sent, and no attempt to get a rush appointment could be made despite my trials and tribulations.

I hope you’ve stayed with me this long. Now let me quickly lay out my grievances and what I believe are appropriate solutions.

MY GRIEVANCES

1. Time Warner Cable customer service reps, technicians and their dispatchers are horribly untrained in CableCard installations, a service offered by Time Warner Cable. Not only are they not properly trained in assessing a problem, they propose solutions seemingly by taking stabs in the dark, as I was given a number of explanations that would “solve” the problem and told numerous times my service would be up and running “shortly”. The Customer Service reps are also very poor in taking notes, as I had to recount this story many times after being informed that there were NO NOTES on my account.
2. If it is true that bundle pricing is only available to customers who use a Time Warner Cable brand cable box, that is not reflected in the fine print for Triple Play (available here: http://www.timewarnercable.com/nynj/learn/bundles/new.html).
a. And if this is in fact Time Warner policy, it is an unfair one for customers. Service should be sold and similar pricing to all customers, regardless of which equipment they choose to use your services with. I should not be at a disadvantage because I do not want to use your proprietary service. This rule also essentially makes your $99 Triple Play Package actually a $108 package for someone in my situation who needs to take on an extra cable box, and that is not environmentally friendly as an extra cable box has to be manufactured for the sole purpose of collecting dust in my closet so that I can close a red tape loophole.

MY REQUESTED SOLUTIONS
1. I’d like to be able to pay the $99 Triple Play package without the use of a Time Warner Cable Box.
a. If this is not possible, I’d like the fine print in Time Warner advertising and online properties to reflect this rule.
2. I’d like to see Time Warner make an effort to be more CableCard-friendly for those customers who wish to use Tivo or any other CableCard devices. Staff should be properly educated so the consumer does not have to spend 8 hours plus on an installation.
3. I’d like TWC technicians to be properly trained in installing and troubleshooting CableCards. I would love it if my technician on Wednesday is particularly experienced with CableCards and specially assigned to my case.
4. I’d like to see some sort of peace offering from Time Warner for my troubles. I’ve spent 7 or 8 hours on this at this point, plus the tech visit on Wednesday, and I have my doubts that my issues will be resolved then. Some amount of free service or discount on my TV package or bonus service would be greatly appreciated. I think 8 hours of my time is worth something, especially when I’m spending those 8 hours to be able to pay Time Warner for their services.

Thank you very much for your time. I hope to receive the type of speedy and considerate response one would expect from a company with the stature and size of Time Warner Cable.

1. The Gaslight Anthem – The ’59 Sound
2. Opeth - Watershed
3. Torche - Meanderthal
4. Death Cab for Cutie – Narrow Stairs
5. Rise Against - Appeal to Reason
6. Children of Bodom - Blooddrunk
7. These Arms Are Snakes - Tail Swallow and Dove
8. U.S. Christmas - Eat the Low Dogs
9. Thrice - The Alchemy Index Vol. 3 & 4: Air & Earth
10. Protest the Hero – Fortress

*

- The poster for the holiday family film Marley & Me, and its awful, nonsensical pun.
- Those Ashton Kutcher COOLPIX commercials.
- Use of the word “staycation.”
- This fucking song. It’s always playing at the gym.
- I haven’t forgotten the FOX Sports Robot. He is back this season, a permanent fixture on promo spots and my shit list.

12/23/08 Update:
- This fucking Samsung commercial.

12/25/08 Update:
- People sending mass “Merry Christmas” texts. I don’t want to spend all day responding, but if I don’t, I’m an asshole. I should check to see if this is already on WhiteWhine.

Man, life is annoying.

The story follows a widower who sets out to fulfill a promise to his wife to travel the world while avoiding being sent to a nursing home. His mode of transportation is the colorful/interesting/unique/arty hook of the whole deal.

I have a bad feeling this will be the first movie in a while to make me a little misty.

I remember the day it was stolen, I looked at a car parked across the street and thought “hey, he’s got the same magnet as me! cool!” I got home to realize it was missing. Didn’t see the car again, figured it was gone forever…

Until I saw it last night and swiped that shit back. I’m gangsta like that. Eat it, white SUV!

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog shot a skit involving Mr. Met at the final Presidential debate Wednesday; Fox News caught shocking footage of the mascot being decapitated. The following video is all over the net.

Now, this isn’t why I am writing today. I plead you to help find a cure for Dan, who is clearly losing his grip on reality after the Mets’ traumatic collapse in the final days of the 2008 season…

[1:09 PM] dan@pooptalkblog.com: did you see mr met on fox news
[1:10 PM] Wsouloa: yes
[1:10 PM] Wsouloa: wasn’t really him though
[1:10 PM] Wsouloa: some guy in a costume